As long as you believe, there is always hope

Dom Mangino. Part dodgeball master, part baseball legend, part saxophone prodigy, part caring emotional bro. Never give up, even when it's over.

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Decisions

I haven’t written in a while and i feel like since i’m up an thinking i might as well write out what is on my mind. the girl i love and already dated is coming back into my mind after a year. rather, i should say she was kind of always there, even though i tried to move on and made great strides to try and shut her out of my mind. But now since i am home for the summer and my mind is not occupied by tons of school work, i do not know what i should do. Simultaneously, my i love my best friend who already has a boyfriend, however, she does show great signs of attraction towards me. i know she is trying her best to fight them, and i don’t want to jeopardize their relationship. I don’t know what to do. I’m being torn in tons of directions. i could randomly hook up with girls, but that is only going to make me more upset and and unhappy. i thought being home for the summer would be an awesome thing, but it’s making me want to be with my ex more and more. I know 9/10 people would say move on, you already had your chance with her and if it was supposed to work it would have. however, her and i never really ended i think. i have an uncanny knack for being able to read people even when i don’t communicate with them for a long time, just by making small observations through facebook. and the best part is that my ex and i aren’t even friends on facebook and i don’t follow her on twitter. so i’m going basically off of what my heart is telling me. I want to tell her how much i miss her, BUT THE THING I WANT MOST IN THE WORLD IS FOR HER TO DO THE SAME THING. Do i accept that she won’t? do i wait and see if she does? or do i just go for it and take the risk that maybe for once i might be wrong about her? I can’t fucking decide and it’s driving me and insane. i see anything happy and it immediately makes me think back to becky and it makes me smile and then my smile fades knowing that i don’t have her anymore. i wonder if i even cross her mind anymore. i will never know, and i may get scolded for having these thoughts because she has hurt me in ways she may never understand, but i would rather die from following my heart than live following other peoples minds.

Permalink fuck no. clearly you don’t understand love if you think i would
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Permalink fucktragedy-lovegracey: enough said. hahahaha perfect reference
Permalink amen
Permalink i’m almost positive i sent this from my phone…
Permalink “Mom, listen, I haven’t been together with Topanga for 22 years, but we have been together for 16. That’s a lot longer than most couples have been together. I mean, when we were born, you told me that we used to take walks in our strollers together around the block. When we were two, we were best friends. I mean, I knew everything about this girl. I knew her favorite color, her favorite food. Then we became six, Eric made fun of me because it wasn’t cool to have a best friend that was a girl or even know a girl. So for the next seven years I threw dirt at her. I like to call those “the lost years”. Then when I was thirteen, mom, she put me up against my locker and she kissed me. I mean, she gave me my first kiss. She taught me how to dance. She always was talking about these crazy things and I never understood a word she said. All I understood was that she was the girl I sat up every night thinking about, and when I’m with her, I feel happy to be alive. Like I can do anything. Even talk to you like this. So that’s, that’s what I think is love, mom. When I’m better because she’s here.” - Cory Matthews, Boy Meets World HOLY FUCK. YES, THIS RIGHT HERE.
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Rainy Sundays

I feel like sundays suck to begin with because that’s when every student on earth has to do their work. The worst part of sundays for me is that it gives me the most time to think during my work. Currently i feel like i haven’t made any progress on myself. i feel like i’m still that insecure 8th grader who needs acceptance from everyone. I feel like i keep getting let down by everyone, and i feel like almost all of my relationships are me giving 90% of the effort and the other person giving 10%. I’m probably being a little dramatic, but idk it fucking sucks knowing i don’t have people who are willing to do anything for me if i need it. if an attractive girl or guy wanted anything, all they would have to do is ask and someone would be there. maybe that relationship would be fake, but at least they could believe they have people there for them. I need to remember that God is always with me through these difficult times, but for some reason i feel like i’m being weak as fuck. i feel like i’ve made no progress moving on fromyouand the more days we go without talking the more i wonder ifyouthink about me and make me want to talk toyoumore and more. How is this possible? I was holding up our relationship with my own bare hands and somehow i still miss you? Do i miss what we had or you? i don’t even know anymore. whenever i see or hear about you my heart skips and beat and sinks down into my stomach. somehow you are still the most beautiful thing my eyes have ever seen and i feel like if we could give it another shot we could make it work. i don’t want to go on with my life without you, but if i have to i fucking wish i could just know that i wouldn’t have you so i could just deal with it and move on with my life. i can’t keep giving everyone help and not getting any myself. i am not God. maybe i need to stop trying so hard and thinking i can do this all by myself because clearly i can’t. i need to pray more. and this shitty weather does not help at all. i’m gonna go study psych and do work. hopefully i figure out these answers in the near future. peace for now tumblr. -Leal